He returned for sister's wedding

"How am I going back when they've planned a major operation this weekend?" The dark complexion Selangor born former UTM student thought for a moment.

"I'd have to take the boat tonight, and must immediately return tomorrow night, otherwise the Khalifah would be very angry," he thought further.

Off he went to the nearest town and purchased a black market ticket. He'd to catch the bus from JB to travel the next four to five hours up to KL. He had gotten some money from his superior who was terrified at his excuse of going back when there was some major operation to be executed on the next weekend. He carefully examined his haversack to ensure nothing he'd brought along to link to his whereabouts.

He remembered that he had stored some ammo in one of the makeshifts he'd created recently. He was pretty sure that everything was put in order. No one should find out about his personal gadgets in case any government officials were to storm the hideout.

When the bus driver pulled the handbrake at one R&R near Melaka, he went down to the 'musalla' and offered prayers. He didn't go to the cafe as he wanted to make sure that nobody had followed. He grabbed his mobile phone and inserted the SIM card, and in a second the DIGI welcome sign filled the screen. He quickly shuffled the key pad to browse ibox messages and missed calls.

There was a call from this girl in Terengganu. She was the daughter to one chief opposition party leader who was also a religious teacher and a former Egypt university graduate. And there were about ten new messages. He quickly pressed the inbox entitled 'awek' which he coined for this girl, literally meaning, girlfriend.

"I'm going to Cairo next week. Abah had rejected yr proposal, sorry, I"ll try to c u b4 i leave," the message read.

How I used to return home in between secret operations (As told to the author by an ex-militant)

I used to return home to celebrate certain occasions, undetected by any curious minds, especially the authority. Returning would be like reasons none other than semester breaks, long holidays and etc. At first father didn't know of my dealings, but after three years of university duration, father became curious as I did not show anything to relate to my studies - not a result slip, neither a scroll. When father asked about my convocation, I would tell them that I had to repeat certain papers, and that I may not graduate due to certain reasons.

My paternal and maternal uncles and aunts became more curious, They have been asking father about my development. The most concerned was my father's younger brother, a doctor, who told him that he would reccommend me for a job with a private company. But I didn't give a hint to anyone about my whereabouts. Then father found some strange items in my bag - a mask and a pair of gloves - and confronted me. I lied and said the items were for some team building programmes conducted by the university. And so my undrground activities were kept secret until today.

I would tell later about the training camps in Malaysia and Indonesia.

You know what I meant by terrorism

It's everybody's fear. It's also an excuse for big guys like Uncle Sam to send troops to other countries.

It Started When I Lost My Love

I had this crush on one Pakistani blood Malay girl, a Begum beauty from Kuala Lumpur. I tried hard to get her attention. I went to her hostel in UiTM, Shah Alam, only a few blocks from mine. I thought she was destined to be mine, but she was really hard to conquer. I was pursuing my degree in chemistry, and she was in food technology. One day I sent a letter to her telling her that I wanted to meet her (there was no mobile phone then, way back in 1981) at the cafeteria. And she signaled me that she would be there to see me.

She came indeed but with someone else, a guy. And I immediately noticed that the guy was a nerd from somewhere kampong area in Terengganu. She told me then, that there will be no future with me, that I was playful and immature. That nerd, according to her was a best student from one of the schools in UiTM. And she mentioned that she will marry that bloody fool!

So you know how I felt at the time. I was a fool to have fallen in love with this Begum. I knew then, that I was about to fall apart, that I was going to just ignore everything - studies, home, parents, etc.

OOOps, it's time to watch Liverpool vs AC Milan.

Do you know why I joined them

It was nothing to do with my religious belief, but merely out of frustration from this real life. Frustration from failure in three things - education, relationships and career. But one thing for sure, is due to ignorance. It is not justified for a person to create havoc in this planet earth. This is outrageous. But one must try to stop this from escalating. As we mature and start to understand and perceive things, we may get distorted from wrong informations. The best thing is to get the family unit strong. The elders must instill in the young ones about the real value of humanity. The very basic misdeed among people today is their very abuse on their own inner self. The heart is the root to all actions. How could a person resort to destruction. Destruction only leads to more destruction. And people need to understand other people's feelings. To understand, also comes from the heart. A clean heart.

Taming The Tiger

This is about a former anti-establishment person, who was a terrorist in Malaysia but later changed to become somebody. He was a well-educated person, joined the Malaysian army but lost his job due to some miserable incidents. He became vicious, and was ever ready to create havoc in the country. Later incidents in his life made him change 360 degrees to become what he is now.